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Tell me what to do.

  Tell me what to do When all of the places I have travelled to And all the people I cried to Made me realized No one can touch my soul like you do. Tell me what to do When my summer has turned into an endless winter, My days are as empty as the old castles in North Yorkshire, My fingers bleed as I tried to remove the dagger And my insufferable pain turned into anger. But then again Tell me what to do Tell me how not to break my own heart, Tell me how not to hurt myself for wanting something pure For wanting someone to keep me warm When all of these times the only warmth I felt Was when I burned the house that I left. Still, tell me what to do, When the clouds start shifting, No shadow of you nor his, And I can feel my heart stop beating, For the people I loved, for the life that I have lived.  -miss white horse
Recent posts

When did it all started?

  Since when, The rays of the sun didn't keep me warm, The sapphire sky didn't plastered a smile on my face, Roaming down the railway by myself, The only sound I heard was my footsteps. Since when, The darkness of the night didn't frighten me, The chills of the storm didn't bother me, Hitting the gas ninety miles per hour, The only headlights on the road were my own. Since when, The softness of their voice didn't comfort me, The promises didn't appear as indulging as they used to be, Empty mug at the booth back of the restaurant, The shoulder I cried on was my own. Since when, The girl in the mirror looked dead and weary, The vibrance of my presence has faded away, "Maybe you have lost your sparks," they said, Maybe I am just lost, tired and scared. -ms.whitehorse

Sorry for making you wait.

  First thing first, Where the hell have I been for the past 2 years? How on earth I skip 2023 and not write anything in 2023?? But so many things happened??? There is a new plot, a new storyline, and a new character. Interesting. I will always be surrounded by drama I guess haha.  "I swear, I don't love the drama, it loves me". These lyrics are literally defining the story of my life. This will be a short post, since I want to start writing poetry again, yeay. But I'll answer some questions. What happened to your group of 'so-called friends'? Well, we are pretty much divided. From 6 members to 3 members. To 4 and then it goes back to 3. And we have pretty much gotten closer than ever. And I'm delighted and grateful for having them in my life, Alhamdulillah. They are like my older sisters that I never had :) And we travel the world together just like the famous 3 musketeers <3 What happened to the famous feud and all your nemesis? One of them, which is

Inflamed.

            Inflamed. Interesting choice of words isn't it?  It is based on the pathology subject that I took for this semester. You know what happen after the cell/tissue injury? Inflammation. The white blood process comes rush to the site of injury and the agglutination and the permeability of blood vessels occurs and more in details that you can pretty much find in the Pathology textbook lol.  Anyway, the post injury first reaction is the inflammation. And if my life is a phase, it would be in "inflammation phase".  A LOT happened since my last post. Betrayal after betrayal. Constantly at the gun point. I've got enemies around me, circling me. Didn't feel safe anywhere. Even right now. It's like a never ending struggle. I am not whining by the way.  But I've learnt SO MUCH. I know that we can't trust anyone. I know how to play it cool. I know the tricks to survive. My bio, on insta and twitter is "Definitely the anti-hero". It's becaus

Doing something different.

  I am doing something different these days. Thinking about life comes with unexpected things. Beautiful unexpected things are what we like to call sweet surprise while bad unexpected things, I would like to call it a catastrophe. And for me, you are the most unexpected thing that happens to me. I didn't even see it coming. That is God's plan. We can try to predict and plan things but we cannot decide what is going to happen. That is not the power besides there is no beauty that lies in that if we already manifested our entire life. Funny looking back at my older posts and quotes, how I kept thinking I have found the one when they are not 'the one'. Only God knows. Trip of a roller coaster ride. They said if you love someone and being with them feels like a roller coaster ride, then it is a toxic relationship. I disagree. The point lies whether loving him makes you feel like riding a roller coaster alone by yourself or both of you having a roller coaster ride journey to

Resurrection.

  Assalamualaikum and hello everyone. After being so lost for so long, I have found my way home. Finally, the coward princess has stepped up and muster all little strength and courage that she could find to shed the burden and reclaim her throne. Not to mention, the countless encounters with warlocks. One infatuated her, one deceived her, and one is simply too enchanting that it cursed her. Multiple heartbreaks and failures. "A loser maybe I will ever be". Everything seems to be out of reach. Every expectation is not being met. The coward princess herself is not only just a coward but she is spiteful, insecure, unhappy, and took it too far when she reads people that she become judgemental. Always on guard fearing one would snatch her rusty crown. Knowing that she is almost lost as the world currently is, she tries to reach for the nearest hand to clung. How naive. She did not realize she is the only one who can save herself. Tormenting thoughts haunt her all the time that she

Countless sunset and spring.

  The spring has finally come,  The grass feels warmer than it was,  The smoothness of the breeze,  Reminds me of your touch,  "I am here", the wind whispered.  The flowers have blossomed,  The withered tree came back alive,  "The spring will come to me," you said.  Does it? Is it spring up there?  Ray of sunshine is keeping me warm,  Bright blue sky yet all I felt is somber,  "Cry on my shoulder," you said,  But I prefer to hold your hands and smile with you.  Then, the realization came,  Countless sunset and spring,  The chances .. maybe you are still waiting for me, Somewhere, up there.  Until then, I will be patient,  For this endless waiting,  I have missed you tremendously,  My beloved brother. I wrote this a few months ago. Before your birthday. I am sorry for uploading it late. I didn't post anything for your birthday, here it is.